The Mothers
of All Entrepreneurs
Forget
that old argument about nature vs. nurture. It's way more basic than that.
Everyone who gets in the startup game owes a debt to mom.
Executive director, Ed Kaplan Family Institute for Innovation
and Tech Entrepreneurship, Illinois Institute of Technology
The
"nature versus nurture" debate about whether entrepreneurs are born
with a certain unavoidable and inevitable bent or whether they can be
"built" and successfully trained has raged on for decades.
Having taught and built businesses over the last 50 years--and spending
half a decade as the head of Chicago's startup incubator-- it's obviously a
subject that interests me, too. The opposing
arguments are usually framed in terms of determinative genetic tendencies (Lady
Gaga was, for sure, "Born
This Way", versus the efficacy of academic instruction.
The
middle ground--where I stand-- is that you can't make me an entrepreneur. But
you can make me a much better and more successful entrepreneur, if I'm so
constitutionally inclined, by teaching me the tools of the trade. That includes things
such as pattern recognition, successive approximation, and iteration. I can
tell you without the slightest hesitation that effective mentoring and
practical instruction works wonders and builds better businessmen and
businesswomen. Of course, if the mentors haven't been there and done it successfully a
few times themselves, then there's not much hope for a great outcome.
In any
case, I was thinking recently, on the occasion of my departed mother's birthday
(may she rest in peace) that, in all the conversations and throughout all the
tomes that have been written on the topic, we've consistently failed to
acknowledge and give sufficient credit to the role that our parents and other
relatives played in our entrepreneurial development process. In fact, to the
extent that mom and dad are mentioned at all, in the vast majority of cases,
they're often regarded as negative influences. There's typically an
undercurrent of "I did it to prove my folks wrong" or I succeeded
"in spite of them" or "they showed me exactly what not to
do". As the old joke goes, "Behind every successful
entrepreneur stands a surprised mother-in-law".
And,
interestingly enough, this behavior seems to be peculiar to, and quite specific
to entrepreneurs. I've noticed in hundreds of award ceremonies over the years
that, while Broadway actors always thank God and their parents, and Hollywood
actors always thank their agents and managers, entrepreneurs never thank much
of anyone else except for the mandatory (and often pro forma) "tip of the
hat" to their team. I'm honestly not sure why we find it so
hard to share our success. The fact is that our families have a lot more to do
with setting the stage and forming the foundation for subsequent success than
all the genes or training in the world. Let's take a moment to give them their
due.
But
first a disclaimer. I realize that today there are many alternative or
non-traditional households and parenting situations, including many
single-parent homes. That was my situation (for all intents and purposes) for
more than half my time growing up. My comments are geared toward the
conventional two-parent household and stem from my own experience and broader
impressions. For readers otherwise situated, please make the appropriate
gender, role and contribution adjustments as you see fit.
I'd
start with the most basic idea that our moms are our first coaches. Our dads
may eventually teach us to pitch, but it's our moms who give us the strength,
the tools and the confidence to "pitch" ourselves. To stand tall and
to stand up and/or to get back up when things get rough. No one is born afraid,
but while our dads alternatively promise and threaten us with challenges that
the world and the future hold for us, it's our moms who protect and shelter us
from the most debilitating of those early, harsh, and often prematurely
proffered realities.
It
turns out that we have a whole lifetime ahead of us to worry about those
things. In the short run, dreams are a lot more important than fears. Mothers
understand even what their kids often don't say. And, years down the line, when
we look at a new crop of young prospective start-up all-stars, their respective
energy, enthusiasm and passion has a great deal to do with their upbringing. If
their moms didn't give it to them early on, it's gonna be very hard for us to
pump up their volume long after the fact. Attitude, early on, has a whole lot
to do with altitude in the long run.
Mothers
are also the primary architects of our people skills. Our dads may be
competitive loners and all about measurement and differentiation while our moms
are the ones who encourage our diverse talents along with the need for
tolerance and teamwork. Fathers are often fiery and fierce while our moms are
all about acceptance and forgiveness. Especially for our own faults and
failings. While dad may be especially hard to please, you don't have to deserve
your mother's love. It's all part of the package. If an entrepreneur's abundant
and often irrational confidence is mainly grounded in a single idea, it's that
he or she always knows that at least one person has their back forever. And
that they can always go home again.
And the
last foundational element - true in my case and in so many others where a
single parent suffered and stuck it out through so much pain, peril and
heartache - is that nothing prepares you more for the ups and downs, the drama
and disappointments, and the day-to-day grind of building a business from
scratch than the everyday shining example of a mother's grit, stamina and
perseverance. And it often takes place in the unrelenting face of undeserved
and unwarranted obstacles that life heedlessly throws in her path. It's her
strength, her refusal to become cynical or bitter, and her unconditional and
unstoppable love for her family that I will always look to and carry with me.
Thanks, Mom.
