Ghislaine Maxwell Already Getting Her Bag
Minimum security prison? With a Real Housewife? You shouldn't have! No, you shouldn't have.
We’ll say this for Ghislaine Maxwell: She knows how to hustle our smooth-brained president. Although that isn’t really a labor-intensive activity. We’re pretty sure the dead squirrel we saw on the sidewalk the other day could hustle Donald Trump, if only it stopped decomposing and really focused.
Maxwell, the imprisoned sidekick of dead pedophile Jeffrey Epstein, has been very busy with the hustle in recent days. A week ago, it got her two days of meetings with the Deputy Attorney General and former Trump defense lawyer Todd Blanche. Then on Friday, it got her transferred from the medium-security prison in Florida where she had been serving her 20-year sentence to a minimum-security prison camp in Texas, where she can hang out with Elizabeth Holmes and one of the cast members from “The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City.” Maybe the three of them can form a gang.
To top it off, reports are that the Bureau of Prisons had to approve a waiver of a rule that reportedly bars sex offenders from getting to serve time in minimum-security prisons. It’s nice to have friends in high places, and also God knows what sort of possible blackmail material in your head.
What on Earth did Maxwell give Blanche in that meeting? Names? Pictures? The best and possibly first tug job of his life? Look at this guy, he’s wound tighter than a tourniquet clamping off an artery.
Blanche was interviewing Maxwell as part of the Trump administration’s continued scramble to contain the fallout from its announcement that it would not be releasing any of the government’s files on the Epstein case after all, despite years of promising that doing so would be one of Trump’s first acts upon entering office, just behind putting gold plating on all the White House toilets and just ahead of waving goodbye to Melania as she flew back to New York and disappeared from public view. The administration had started throwing desperate Hail Marys to calm Trump’s feral base. One Haily Mary was sending the deputy attorney general to Florida to ask Maxwell, in her lawyer’s words, “about every single, every possible thing you could imagine. Everything.” Then they would have some scalps they could throw to the base in the hope it would get them to shut up.
Hm, if you were the Trump administration and you wanted your supporters to believe that the Biden administration had cooked up the Epstein files as some sort of devious plot to hurt you, what names would you be throwing at Ghislaine Maxwell in the hopes she would tell you that yes indeed, we pimped out girls to that Democrat and he’s a huge perv? Barack Obama? Bill Clinton? The moldering bones of Franklin Roosevelt?
And if you were Ghislaine Maxwell, you would know exactly what Trump’s lickspittles were looking for, and you know that whether you spend most or all your remaining years in prison depends on that information.
All we know is that we’re going to trust anything we hear from that side of things about as much as we’re going to be trusting economic data from the government now that Trump has fired the director of the Bureau of Labor Statistics for the crime of telling him something he didn’t want to hear.
Whatever came out of the meeting between Blanche and Maxwell has not been made public, so we can’t read it and draw hysterical conclusions. All Maxwell’s lawyer would say was that she answered questions about over 100 people, that she was fully cooperative, and that she’ll testify in court or even to Congress, but only if she has complete immunity or the president commutes her sentence.
This is a great time to remind you that in addition to recruiting the girls for Epstein’s pedophile ring, Maxwell also joined in the sexual assaults. So, you know, immunity and whatnot.
Three days after her lawyer said all that, hey look, Maxwell is on her way to a much cushier prison. Granted it is still prison, but as far as prisons go, a federal camp with low security is as cushy as she could hope for. Was this all Trump did for her, or is a pardon coming after enough time goes by to not make the quid pro quo so obvious, and in the meantime he at least got her into minimum security, where she’s less likely to get shanked.
At the same time we were learning about the Maxwell transfer, we also learned that the government had redacted Trump’s name from thousands of pages of Epstein documents. And it was done in a huge search that had 1,000 FBI agents working around the clock to review the files for personal information that couldn’t be made public.
The government’s reasoning was that Trump was a private citizen when Epstein was first investigated in 2006 and therefore was entitled to the same protections against invasions of personal privacy as any other civilian. We could see making this argument for everyone except Donald Trump. It truly is a matter of national importance that the public gets to know the context in which the president’s name showed up in the investigation into the sex trafficker.
Besides, Trump keeps claiming he wants to release all the Epstein files because he thinks it will clear his name. So why redact all mentions of him? Wouldn’t he want people to see the exonerating documents?
Oh right, because Biden cooked the files to implicate Trump. And Trump wouldn’t want anyone to see those mentions. Because they are fake. Which you would know if you saw them. No, you can’t see them.
Oh look, we’ve gone cross-eyed. We’ve been doing that a lot lately.
