As a Founder, You Need to Be More Forgiving
You've poured your heart
and soul into your startup, so any mistake or transgression your team makes
seems like a betrayal. But learning how and when to give second chances is an
important part of growing your business.
EXPERT OPINION BY HOWARD
TULLMAN, GENERAL MANAGING PARTNER, G2T3V AND CHICAGO HIGH TECH
INVESTORS @HOWARDTULLMAN1
JUN 11, 2024
As a group,
entrepreneurs are among the least empathetic individuals in the world and, for
better or worse, that's probably responsible for a significant portion of their
success. They're also horrible listeners, which is undoubtedly part
of the empathy problem, but not really much of an excuse for their studied
obliviousness. They're also not very good at being grateful or saying, "thank you," but that's a
story.
By way of further
explanation, there are any number of drivers built into the entrepreneurial
equation: a constant need for speed and being forever in a hurry; a
single-minded focus on getting things done; no patience and plenty of paranoia;
and a refusal to look backwards, admit their mistakes, or learn from
them. None of this rearview mirror stuff for these folks. Of course, these
attributes don't exactly help to make them into warm and caring
"people" persons.
But there are a couple
of elements of the prototypical personality that seem to dwarf all the others
in terms of explicating their inability to empathize with, understand, or
appreciate the pain and problems of their people.
New business builders
believe that there's always an alternative path and a straightforward solution
to every problem, so their focus and attention jumps immediately to solutions
and the future rather than the present. This is the "get busy and get on
with it" element of the process. Let's figure out how to fix the
situation. Trouble is, trying to solve the "problem" without
listening to the person and addressing their ills as well is -- at the very
best -- only going to get you halfway to a satisfactory answer; it's much more
like searching in the dark for a candle.
Even more important is
entrepreneurs' inflated belief that they've also been there emotionally and
otherwise and had plenty of tough times and difficulties of their own. Somehow,
they survived, so why can't you? I call this the "get over and forget it"
element of the process. Forget your feelings and frailties. Pick yourself up
and put it behind you. Don't dwell on the past. Entrepreneurs are always ready
to tell you how rough things have been for them and how the struggle only made
them stronger. They're all heroic mini-Nietzsches.
Given all the charitable
chatter, you would think at least that entrepreneurs are among the very best
practitioners of the "forgive and forget" doctrine of personnel
management. But they're among the worst even though in building their own businesses
virtually every one of them has benefitted from a boatload of breaks, do-overs,
and second chances. Notwithstanding their own good fortune, most still have a
chip on at least one shoulder and love carrying a grudge or two. This isn't
just mentally unhealthy, it's really bad for business.
Learning to truly
forgive (even if you never exactly forget) takes some time and practice. When
you forgive, you're also acknowledging that you can't change the past. There's
a lot to be said for giving folks a second chance. If you don't make room for mistakes
and even occasional misdeeds, you're likely to lose a bunch of talented people,
cost your company plenty in terms of churn and turnover, and waste a bunch of
time that no growing business can spare.
The leader's job is to
forgive first when the circumstances are right. But you've got to be careful
and know when and where to draw the lines. It takes a lot more strength in many
cases to forgive than to struggle on, but you need to be smart about it. There
are four critical considerations to keep in mind.
First, any person whose
actions impair or demean the basic values of the business -- honesty, loyalty,
mutual commitment and sacrifice - gets no pass because the impact and injury is
not limited in any sense to the actor alone. It harms everyone. Consistently
honoring and enforcing the core values of your company and trusting in them is
more important than any given decision or any individual because - especially
in a new business where the culture is still being built and affirmed - once
you slide, compromise, or change the rules to accommodate a specific case, it's
all downhill from there. As Clay Christensen said: "It's easier to hold
your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of
the time." Decide what you stand for and stand for it all the time. You
can't overlook obvious offenses and then pretend that excusing the behavior is
a charitable act of forgiveness rather than a craven refusal to avoid conflict
and controversy.
Second, disappointment
is not necessarily disqualifying. Great expectations (of everyone) are part of
the entrepreneur's disease right alongside the highs of unbridled optimism and
boundless enthusiasm and the lows of despair, regret and impostor's syndrome.
Few, if any, team members (who are merely human) can ever live up to the high
standards and demands that the best entrepreneurs ask of themselves and
foolishly expect of others. Be smart enough to know when you shouldn't trust
your own feelings. Spoiler alert: get ready to be regularly disappointed, but
don't take it out on your team members.
An entrepreneur's life
is constantly suspended between excitement and disillusionment, doubt and
despair, and the occasional nauseous feeling of betrayal. So, it should come as
no surprise that, as dedicated and committed as others may be to your dreams,
they also have their own lives and families and other obligations. Get used to
it. We've all got our duffels of disappointment to lug around. You expect
people to be as loyal to you as you believe you are to them and when they're
not, you're devastated.
The cruelest
disappointment of all is when you let yourself down and the easiest way to do
that is to abandon hope in order to theoretically protect yourself from any
impending downsides. Don't give up on yourself or your team members as long as
they're doing their best, committed to the mission, and giving it all that they
can. Not everyone signs up to set the world on fire every day. Forgiveness in
these cases is a gift you give yourself.
Third,
a breach of trust or law is, by definition, unforgivable. Especially today,
trust is at the very heart of every team and every enterprise. For brands and
businesses alike, to be trusted is an even greater compliment than to be loved.
And, while Hemingway said that "the best way to find out if you can trust
somebody is to trust them," a better rule in instances of lying, theft or
other dishonesty, is "one strike and you're out." Fool me once, shame
on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. As harsh and draconian as an ironclad rule
may seem, there's simply no room for excuse or negotiation when the firm's
integrity, reputation and honesty is at risk.
Finally, if you're
prepared to forgive, make damn sure that the beneficiary is prepared to be
forgiven. Acceptance and accountability are central to the process and without
a demonstrable and immediate change in behavior, an apology is just words.
Convicted felon Donald Trump -- 34 counts -- is a perfect example of a criminal
without the slightest sense of remorse; we can only hope that New York State
Supreme Court Justice Juan Merchan acts accordingly in sentencing him. Lip
service, a smug shrug, or anything else that manifests a lack of seriousness
-- "whatever" is one of my
favorites-- means that all bets are off, and the business would do much better
without the presence of the poseur.
But also, be careful not
to make the entire process more painful than remedial and more personal than
productive because no one ever really forgets where the hatchet is buried.