What Are You Really Working For?
Don't let money get in the way of
family and especially of doing something that really matters.
CEO, 1871@tullman
Now that we're past
the holidays and hopefully beyond all the stress and angst of the always
painful year-end compensation discussions, I wanted to bring up a far more
important conversation that also arises around this time of year. It's the one
we have immediately prior to solemnly making those annual "work less and
spend more time with the family" resolutions, with accompanying promises
and commitments to our partners and our kids.
Every entrepreneur (and everyone else building a business) knows
how these things go, especially today when we're all working longer and harder,
spending less time with our
families and loved ones, and feeling somewhat rotten and very guilty about it.
The fact that there are really good reasons for the extra time away or because
the jobs we're doing are important not just to ourselves but to others as well
doesn't make that discussion any easier or less emotional. As I usually say:
there's always more work, but you've only got one family.
In these family
meetings and other conversations, we find ourselves explaining and excusing and
generally trying to justify our efforts and our absences, especially to our
kids. And, unfortunately, for lack of a better or more straightforward
explanation, we often seize upon a particularly unfortunate turn of a phrase
and a pretty lousy excuse. We say, in so many different ways and words,
that:
I work to make money to buy you (fill in the blank); or
I work to make money to provide you with (insert here); or
I work to make money so we can do or go (destination please).
You get it, right?
Sounds familiar? Maybe it's a spouse, but most often it's our kids. And just
what are we telling them?
We're telling our kids
that we work for money-- that money is what matters-- and that money is to buy
things, places, people, etc. That "getting" is really the
be-all and the end-all. And that's too bad. Because it's a lame
explanation, a dishonest excuse, and an awful message--probably the worst
message possible. This explanation is quick and easy and we all fall into this
trap from time to time. But we can do better and, frankly, we better do better
because our kids are already drowning in media messages that say -- a million
times a day-- that life is all about the bucks.
So, I have a modest
suggestion for the next time you find yourself in this particular fix.
Let's try to change the context --change the conversation--and tell our
loved ones the truth (or maybe what we hope the truth should be) whenever we're
asked about why we work. You might want to spend a little time thinking
about a better answer before the fat's in the fire.
What is the truth?
What's the honest answer? Start by being honest with yourself. When
you're dragging, feeling a little sorry for yourself, can't take another day of
work (and it's only Wednesday), and you find yourself mumbling and grumbling to
yourself that "we need the money" or "I have no choice" or
"I've got bills to pay", you're just kidding yourself just like we've
all been kidding our kids for years.
If you don't know why
you're working and what you're working for, or you can't think of a good reason
to come to work, then do yourself and everyone else a favor and find something
else to do. I tell all our 1871 companies the same thing: "we act as
though comfort and luxury were the chief requirements of life when all we need
to make us really happy is something to be enthusiastic about." If you
don't love it--most of the time-- leave it.
O.K. you say, but what
is the right answer when the kids ask, as you're sneaking out the door on
Saturday morning to spend the day at the office: "Hey Dad, how come you
never come home?" Or maybe: "Why is work so important all the
time, don't we come first?"
The truth and the best
answer is that we work for two basic reasons: (A) to make ourselves proud and
(B) to help other people. We don't really work for money. We work to be
productive and creative. We work to make a difference in our lives and the
lives of others. We work because we secure real satisfaction from what we
achieve with our hands, our hearts and our minds.
There's no price tag
on the stuff. Money isn't even a good way to keep score. Does anyone really
think that a rock star's contribution is millions of times more valuable than a
teacher's? That's just more media bullshit. We work to accomplish things
that move our lives forward, that matter in meaningful ways, and that we can
feel honestly and sincerely good about it. There's no shame or false
pride in that. There's nothing to be embarrassed to tell your kids about. If
you love what you do, let them know and pray that someday they'll have a
similar experience and privilege.
Is it foolish, or do
we sound selfish, if we admit that we work because it makes us feel good and
fulfilled? I don't think so and I think it's a much more constructive,
effective, and appropriate answer for everyone-- kids and grownups too. Don't tell
your kids you work because you have to, or worse, that you work to buy them
Christmas toys or other goodies. We work because work is important and that's
what grown-ups do. Your career is something to be unashamedly proud of and to
share with kids and others. We're building things to make the world a
better place.
And that's where Part
B comes in. We're not isolated islands and in this thing all by
ourselves. Everything we do or don't do impacts many others-- especially
those of us who teach. So, it's just as important to understand, acknowledge
and have our kids appreciate that, apart from the selfish motivation of making
us feel good, we all work as well for a greater good and to help others
by making their lives better and fuller as well as our own. Hard work and
commitment is how life moves forward and how the world gets better. A lot of
tiny steps by millions of people, a little bit at a time, and mountains move.
And that just leaves
the matter of money. What should we say about money? I hope that the message
I've shared with my kids is pretty simple. Money, beyond life's necessities, is
for charity and for giving back. Money is not an end in itself or a game of
running up the score. Money is not a worthwhile goal because there's no finish
line and there's always someone with more. At best, it's an enabling and an
ennobling tool to make valuable, important, and charitable things happen.
The bottom line: work
hard and be proud of the work you do; love what you do or do something else;
try to make a difference in this world every day in large and small ways; and
use all of your talents, energy and resources to help others to better their
lives. And lastly, hug your kids much too much, far too often, and until they
squeal.
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columnists are their own, not those of Inc.com.
PUBLISHED
ON: JAN 16, 2018