WALLFLOWERS,
BAGGAGE AND “BITCHES”
I was recently part of an all-male ARA
panel discussion (moderated by Sandee Kastrul from i.c. stars) and held at 1871
in front of another 250 women to discuss The
Male Perspective on Women in Technology. I thought that it was a very
enlightening session for all of us and - after the necessary disclaimers about
why any woman would ever care what any men thought about this subject - and why
there weren’t any women on the panel - we got down to a mostly serious
discussion (with a few laughs about men who cry) talking about what could be
done to help improve the current – pretty depressing – percentages of women in
the technology sector. Bob Miano, CEO of Harvey Nash, said in his comments that
the numbers have remained flat and pretty constant for the last several years
according to their annual surveys.
The panel discussion was prefaced by
a short keynote talk by Brenna Berman, the CIO for the City of Chicago, and she
noted (essentially on the issue of who cares what the guys think) that some of
her most valuable mentors over the years had been men who had assisted and
supported her progress throughout her career so she certainly believed that their
thoughts and concerns were, in fact, pretty relevant. I felt she handled this touchy
question very well and that her opening comment was a helpful and instructive
observation which cleared the modestly tense air a bit before our discussion
started.
Of course, not everything was roses
after that. In the blogs following the event, she was quoted (I’m assuming
accurately) as saying that she thought, on occasion, that the male panelists
were giving answers that didn’t fit the questions and that it would have been
interesting to see (at the same time and in the same context) how women
panelists might have answered those precise questions. For my part, I thought
that - across the board – the male panelists gave straight and honest answers
to the best of their abilities and avoided any kind of politically correct crap,
but, of course, this is what makes horse races. And, as someone else noted, we
were a group of guys who fundamentally believed that we were on the right side
of this issue anyway and so I doubt that we were necessarily full-fledged
members of the target population whose mindsets needed to be changed or
expanded. I said in my opening comments that I’ve been gender-blind in my
hiring decisions and team compositions for more than 40 years and that I was
plenty proud of the fact that every business I’ve built had women as part of
the senior management from the beginning.
In any event, I came away with a
couple of thoughts and pieces of advice that I would share especially with all
the young women in my various ventures who are just getting started in the business
world or in the world of building their own businesses. These were mainly drawn
from the comments of the other panelists although I will take credit for eventually
providing a pretty good answer to the main “curve ball” question of the night
even though I ducked it when it was first asked by saying that I had promised
my team in writing that I wouldn’t answer that particular inquiry.
(1) Wallflowers Aren’t Really Welcome
Roger Liew, the CTO of Orbitz, made a
very important point which – in my writings – I’ve usually short-handed by
saying either that “feasibility will compromise you soon enough” or “don’t let
other people’s fears or limitations hold you back”. There are always plenty of
people willing to tell you why you can’t do something and it’s very important
that you yourself not be one of them. Roger had his own very interesting experiences
about assigning women on his team certain high-visibility and important
projects and then having to convince them (not to say “beg them”) to step up
and take on the job. His point was that no guy would ever say he wasn’t up to
the task (whatever the task was) and neither should any woman especially
because they should know that their boss or manager wouldn’t have asked them to
take the job if he or she had any doubts in their ability to get it done and
done well. You need to know that in any business everyone “wings it” from time
to time and the key to success is simply that some people do it much more
confidently than others. So don’t be afraid to step forward when you next have
the chance and don’t ever sell yourself short. You’ll always miss 100% of the
shots you don’t take.
(2) Leave the Baggage in the Lobby
Matt Hancock, Executive Director of
the Chicago Tech Academy High School, said that, if he had only one piece of
advice for young women entering the tech world, it would be to forget all the
“expert” advice and all the “Dos and Don’t” about how to act in the workforce
and just leap right in and go with the flow. He called this “dropping all the
baggage” and showing up as you are. If you let your contributions and actions
speak for you and use the skills that you uniquely possess, you can make a real
impact and a difference. I’d say it slightly differently, but the point is the
same: all the good advice, pre-game coaching and helpful hints in the world
won’t ultimately make you a better you. Everyone’s an expert who doesn’t have
to do these things themselves. Only you can make these things happen for yourself
and it helps a lot to be sure that you don’t get in your own way while you are
doing just that.
(3) Being Passionate Isn’t a Bad Thing
The closing question of the night was
the closest thing to a curve ball and dealt with a very touchy area. The
question was: “How do you suggest coming across confident without being
perceived as a “Bitch” or overly aggressive?”
I’m sure that there are a number of good hints or suggestions in the
literature on this subject, but I thought that the right approach wasn’t to try
to outline rules of behavior or language suggestions which would have just
amounted to piling on more of Matt’s “baggage” (see above). The truth is and
the best answer (for me at least) is that you need to change the conversation
and the lens that you’re looking through.
Aggression is so weighted and ugly a
word that I can’t think of any context in which we would truly value it (except
maybe in pro sports where we reward violent actions by morons already being
driven mad by steroids) and so we need to put that particular word aside and have
a smarter and more productive discussion. Talking about a fierce passion to
succeed, on the other hand; or about an uncompromising commitment to a cause or
a business; and/or discussing a “take no prisoners” attitude are all positions
and postures that we heartily endorse and, in fact, hope to emulate in our own behavior. Passion
is just the flip (and far more attractive) side of aggression and that’s how we
should answer the question. The ones who want it the most and care the most are
the ones who make things happen.
Passion is what moves mountains and
makes the world move forward. Passion and unflinching optimism are force
multipliers. There’s never enough to go around because these qualities are always
in short supply. So, the bottom line is self-evident. It’s short-sighted and stupid to discourage
anyone’s (males or females) energy and enthusiasm and it’s long past time that we
got over the rhetoric and the pointless characterizations and started focusing
our efforts and energies on who can best help us make a difference in the
marketplace and create real results.