wishcasting our merry way to hell: how the press utterly failed us in 2025what the hell do they imagine they’re doing?
it was just about this time last year, as We the People were freaking out about the fuckery to come, that the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media decided the greatest contribution they could make to the national discourse would be to put on their denial-colored glasses and assure us that everything was going to be okay. no, wait — not just okay, but totally awesome. today, let’s take a walk down memory lane, and revisit just how completely fucking wrong the chattering class got it. exhibit A: the Gas Leak Twins, Ezra Klein and Ross Douthat. here’s the twaddle they shat out onto The New York Times the very day of the 2024 election, just minutes after Donny was declared the victor.
so here we are, a year later. did Donny’s victory offer an ‘unlikely opening to American renewal’? spoiler alert: no, of course it fucking well didn’t — not unless unless you consider economic ruin, foreign policy chaos, and lawless ICE thugs on the streets of our cities to be some kind of ‘renewal.’ this is the kind of magical ‘everybody gets a pony’ thinking that our punditocracy loves to inflict on us: that somehow, any moment now, Donny’s going to finally become ‘presidential.’ anything’s possible, right? overnight, Donny Convict could magically become a wise and fair statesman — also, technicolor pigs could fly out of my ass. you know what this sort of self-delusion is? it’s called wishcasting. over to you, Wiktionary.
after the election, the press went into overdrive, churning out piece after piece in which they promised us that if we all click our heels together three times, everything will be okay.
this was all so fucking delusional. Donny’s first term was a dumpster fire of corruption, mismanagement and mass death — but somehow, now given a second chance to fuck shit up worse, Donny was going to bring us an ‘American renewal’? oh my god, we’ve been hearing this fever-swamp fairy tale since Donny came down that accursed golden escalator in 2016. during his first term — over and over — every time Donny stopped short of taking out his dick and pissing on the floor, the press would fall all the fuck over itself in a mad dash to proclaim him presidential.
here’s another spoiler alert: Donny never became presidential. not from the the first time he threw a ketchup-hurling tantrum in the White House, to the moment he absconded back to his Florida golf motel, taking with him boxes of stolen classified documents. and now, during his current term? Donny’s only gotten worse. here’s another slice of post-election shitwaddery from The Atlantic.
the premise here was that if we’re respectful to Donny — if we fucking kowtow to him, and stop opposing him — he’ll be nice to us in return. he’ll become — dare I say it? — presidential.
everyone should ‘normalize’ Donny? are you kidding me? there is nothing normal about Preznit Fuckwit. festooning every square inch of the Oval Bordello with gold-plated tat is not normal. bulldozing a third of the White House to build a vulgar dance hall is not normal. nor is falling asleep every time you’re out in public. nor is slapping your stupid name all over every public monument. nor is prosecuting your political ‘enemies.’ nor is selling pardons for millions of dollars — which is a thing that Donny and his family are doing, right under our noses. none of that shit is normal, and it’s dangerous and delusional to pretend otherwise. so, again, here we are, a year later. did normalizing Donny’s behavior work? of fucking course it didn’t. there no satisfying a power-obsessed narcissistic Mad King. every time you let Donny get away with something, that just emboldens him to do something worse. normalizing fascism is how fascism wins. here was NBC News’ entry in the Wishcasting Olympics.
NBC News actually had the temerity to ask if Todd Blanche — Donny’s personal lawyer who he named to the number two post at the Department of Justice — would tell Donny no when he ordered Todd to fuck shit up. spoiler alert: Blanche, who is now Deputy Attorney General — still functions as Donny’s personal lawyer. right now, he’s doing his best to ensure that the Dead Pedo Bestie files get slow-walked into oblivion, and that any files were do see are so redacted as to be meaningless. lucky for us, the entire DOJ is incompetent as fuck.
now, what in the small-batch artisanal fuck did NPR imagine they were going to accomplish here?
“NPR launches new series ‘Seeking Common Ground: Conversations Across the Divide’” oh how lovely, NPR was going reach across the divide and seek common ground — with the very people who were vowing to starve NPR of existence.  “we’ll be looking at everything from government-funded media programs like NPR that spread nothing but Democrat propaganda.” spoiler alert, from July 18, 2024.
the clawback of over a billion dollars that had already been allocated resulted in the shutdown of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting — and public radio is currently on life support. awesome job of reaching across the divide, NPR. so, here we are, a year down the road. has the press learned any lesson from the blizzard of shit we’ve just gone through? no, of course not, they haven’t. USA Today can fuck all the way off.
“Opinion: Should they win a House majority less than a year from now, Democrats should use their newfound power with restraint.” the premise of this abomination is that Democrats shouldn’t impeach Donny because reasons — because something something something about how doing so wouldn’t be in the spirit of healing and unity, and besides, it would just make Donny mad. get ready to read umpteen variations on this theme all the way to the 2026 midterms — because we’ve seen this movie before. every time the balance of power seems set to swing from red to blue, the press starts harumphing about how Democrats need to extend the olive branch — y’know, in the spirit of healing and unity and all. the press told Obama not to prosecute any of the architects of Bush’s torture program. ‘it would tear the country apart,’ they said. ‘let’s just look ahead.’ Obama listened. not one person from the Bush administration was ever held accountable for their crimes. the press also told Biden to go easy on the guy who’d stolen classified documents and tried to insurrection his way out of a lost election. Biden ended up appointing Merrick Garland to head the DOJ — and look how swell that worked out for the rest of us. so, should Democrats ‘use restraint’ next year? no. absolutely not. Democrats, should you retake control of Congress next year, be warriors. at long last, hold Donny and his minions accountable. We the People have had enough of this shit. here, let’s let the world’s most patriotic bald eagle show you how it’s done.
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