Friday, June 14, 2024

NEW INC. MAGAZINE COLUMN BY HOWARD TULLMAN

 

As a Founder, You Need to Be More Forgiving

You've poured your heart and soul into your startup, so any mistake or transgression your team makes seems like a betrayal. But learning how and when to give second chances is an important part of growing your business. 

 

EXPERT OPINION BY HOWARD TULLMAN, GENERAL MANAGING PARTNER, G2T3V AND CHICAGO HIGH TECH INVESTORS @HOWARDTULLMAN1

JUN 11, 2024

 

As a group, entrepreneurs are among the least empathetic individuals in the world and, for better or worse, that's probably responsible for a significant portion of their success. They're also horrible listeners, which is undoubtedly part of the empathy problem, but not really much of an excuse for their studied obliviousness. They're also not very good at being grateful or saying, "thank you," but that's a story.

By way of further explanation, there are any number of drivers built into the entrepreneurial equation:  a constant need for speed and being forever in a hurry; a single-minded focus on getting things done; no patience and plenty of paranoia; and  a refusal to look backwards, admit their mistakes, or learn from them. None of this rearview mirror stuff for these folks. Of course, these attributes don't exactly help to make them into warm and caring "people" persons.

But there are a couple of elements of the prototypical personality that seem to dwarf all the others in terms of explicating their inability to empathize with, understand, or appreciate the pain and problems of their people.

New business builders believe that there's always an alternative path and a straightforward solution to every problem, so their focus and attention jumps immediately to solutions and the future rather than the present. This is the "get busy and get on with it" element of the process. Let's figure out how to fix the situation. Trouble is, trying to solve the "problem" without listening to the person and addressing their ills as well is -- at the very best -- only going to get you halfway to a satisfactory answer; it's much more like searching in the dark for a candle.

Even more important is entrepreneurs' inflated belief that they've also been there emotionally and otherwise and had plenty of tough times and difficulties of their own. Somehow, they survived, so why can't you? I call this the "get over and forget it" element of the process. Forget your feelings and frailties. Pick yourself up and put it behind you. Don't dwell on the past. Entrepreneurs are always ready to tell you how rough things have been for them and how the struggle only made them stronger. They're all heroic mini-Nietzsches.

Given all the charitable chatter, you would think at least that entrepreneurs are among the very best practitioners of the "forgive and forget" doctrine of personnel management. But they're among the worst even though in building their own businesses virtually every one of them has benefitted from a boatload of breaks, do-overs, and second chances. Notwithstanding their own good fortune, most still have a chip on at least one shoulder and love carrying a grudge or two. This isn't just mentally unhealthy, it's really bad for business.

Learning to truly forgive (even if you never exactly forget) takes some time and practice. When you forgive, you're also acknowledging that you can't change the past. There's a lot to be said for giving folks a second chance. If you don't make room for mistakes and even occasional misdeeds, you're likely to lose a bunch of talented people, cost your company plenty in terms of churn and turnover, and waste a bunch of time that no growing business can spare.

The leader's job is to forgive first when the circumstances are right. But you've got to be careful and know when and where to draw the lines. It takes a lot more strength in many cases to forgive than to struggle on, but you need to be smart about it. There are four critical considerations to keep in mind.

First, any person whose actions impair or demean the basic values of the business -- honesty, loyalty, mutual commitment and sacrifice - gets no pass because the impact and injury is not limited in any sense to the actor alone.  It harms everyone. Consistently honoring and enforcing the core values of your company and trusting in them is more important than any given decision or any individual because - especially in a new business where the culture is still being built and affirmed - once you slide, compromise, or change the rules to accommodate a specific case, it's all downhill from there. As Clay Christensen said: "It's easier to hold your principles 100 percent of the time than it is to hold them 98 percent of the time." Decide what you stand for and stand for it all the time. You can't overlook obvious offenses and then pretend that excusing the behavior is a charitable act of forgiveness rather than a craven refusal to avoid conflict and controversy.

Second, disappointment is not necessarily disqualifying. Great expectations (of everyone) are part of the entrepreneur's disease right alongside the highs of unbridled optimism and boundless enthusiasm and the lows of despair, regret and impostor's syndrome. Few, if any, team members (who are merely human) can ever live up to the high standards and demands that the best entrepreneurs ask of themselves and foolishly expect of others. Be smart enough to know when you shouldn't trust your own feelings. Spoiler alert: get ready to be regularly disappointed, but don't take it out on your team members.

An entrepreneur's life is constantly suspended between excitement and disillusionment, doubt and despair, and the occasional nauseous feeling of betrayal. So, it should come as no surprise that, as dedicated and committed as others may be to your dreams, they also have their own lives and families and other obligations. Get used to it. We've all got our duffels of disappointment to lug around. You expect people to be as loyal to you as you believe you are to them and when they're not, you're devastated.

The cruelest disappointment of all is when you let yourself down and the easiest way to do that is to abandon hope in order to theoretically protect yourself from any impending downsides. Don't give up on yourself or your team members as long as they're doing their best, committed to the mission, and giving it all that they can. Not everyone signs up to set the world on fire every day. Forgiveness in these cases is a gift you give yourself.

   Third, a breach of trust or law is, by definition, unforgivable. Especially today, trust is at the very heart of every team and every enterprise. For brands and businesses alike, to be trusted is an even greater compliment than to be loved. And, while Hemingway said that "the best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them," a better rule in instances of lying, theft or other dishonesty, is "one strike and you're out." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. As harsh and draconian as an ironclad rule may seem, there's simply no room for excuse or negotiation when the firm's integrity, reputation and honesty is at risk.

Finally, if you're prepared to forgive, make damn sure that the beneficiary is prepared to be forgiven. Acceptance and accountability are central to the process and without a demonstrable and immediate change in behavior, an apology is just words. Convicted felon Donald Trump -- 34 counts -- is a perfect example of a criminal without the slightest sense of remorse; we can only hope that New York State Supreme Court Justice Juan Merchan acts accordingly in sentencing him. Lip service, a smug shrug, or anything else that manifests a lack of seriousness -- "whatever" is one of my favorites-- means that all bets are off, and the business would do much better without the presence of the poseur.

But also, be careful not to make the entire process more painful than remedial and more personal than productive because no one ever really forgets where the hatchet is buried.