Tuesday, March 11, 2014

WALLFLOWERS, BAGGAGE AND “BITCHES”



WALLFLOWERS, BAGGAGE AND “BITCHES”

I was recently part of an all-male ARA panel discussion (moderated by Sandee Kastrul from i.c. stars) and held at 1871 in front of another 250 women to discuss The Male Perspective on Women in Technology. I thought that it was a very enlightening session for all of us and - after the necessary disclaimers about why any woman would ever care what any men thought about this subject - and why there weren’t any women on the panel - we got down to a mostly serious discussion (with a few laughs about men who cry) talking about what could be done to help improve the current – pretty depressing – percentages of women in the technology sector. Bob Miano, CEO of Harvey Nash, said in his comments that the numbers have remained flat and pretty constant for the last several years according to their annual surveys.

The panel discussion was prefaced by a short keynote talk by Brenna Berman, the CIO for the City of Chicago, and she noted (essentially on the issue of who cares what the guys think) that some of her most valuable mentors over the years had been men who had assisted and supported her progress throughout her career so she certainly believed that their thoughts and concerns were, in fact, pretty relevant. I felt she handled this touchy question very well and that her opening comment was a helpful and instructive observation which cleared the modestly tense air a bit before our discussion started.

Of course, not everything was roses after that. In the blogs following the event, she was quoted (I’m assuming accurately) as saying that she thought, on occasion, that the male panelists were giving answers that didn’t fit the questions and that it would have been interesting to see (at the same time and in the same context) how women panelists might have answered those precise questions. For my part, I thought that - across the board – the male panelists gave straight and honest answers to the best of their abilities and avoided any kind of politically correct crap, but, of course, this is what makes horse races. And, as someone else noted, we were a group of guys who fundamentally believed that we were on the right side of this issue anyway and so I doubt that we were necessarily full-fledged members of the target population whose mindsets needed to be changed or expanded. I said in my opening comments that I’ve been gender-blind in my hiring decisions and team compositions for more than 40 years and that I was plenty proud of the fact that every business I’ve built had women as part of the senior management from the beginning.

In any event, I came away with a couple of thoughts and pieces of advice that I would share especially with all the young women in my various ventures who are just getting started in the business world or in the world of building their own businesses. These were mainly drawn from the comments of the other panelists although I will take credit for eventually providing a pretty good answer to the main “curve ball” question of the night even though I ducked it when it was first asked by saying that I had promised my team in writing that I wouldn’t answer that particular inquiry.

(1)   Wallflowers Aren’t Really Welcome

Roger Liew, the CTO of Orbitz, made a very important point which – in my writings – I’ve usually short-handed by saying either that “feasibility will compromise you soon enough” or “don’t let other people’s fears or limitations hold you back”. There are always plenty of people willing to tell you why you can’t do something and it’s very important that you yourself not be one of them. Roger had his own very interesting experiences about assigning women on his team certain high-visibility and important projects and then having to convince them (not to say “beg them”) to step up and take on the job. His point was that no guy would ever say he wasn’t up to the task (whatever the task was) and neither should any woman especially because they should know that their boss or manager wouldn’t have asked them to take the job if he or she had any doubts in their ability to get it done and done well. You need to know that in any business everyone “wings it” from time to time and the key to success is simply that some people do it much more confidently than others. So don’t be afraid to step forward when you next have the chance and don’t ever sell yourself short. You’ll always miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

(2)   Leave the Baggage in the Lobby

Matt Hancock, Executive Director of the Chicago Tech Academy High School, said that, if he had only one piece of advice for young women entering the tech world, it would be to forget all the “expert” advice and all the “Dos and Don’t” about how to act in the workforce and just leap right in and go with the flow. He called this “dropping all the baggage” and showing up as you are. If you let your contributions and actions speak for you and use the skills that you uniquely possess, you can make a real impact and a difference. I’d say it slightly differently, but the point is the same: all the good advice, pre-game coaching and helpful hints in the world won’t ultimately make you a better you. Everyone’s an expert who doesn’t have to do these things themselves. Only you can make these things happen for yourself and it helps a lot to be sure that you don’t get in your own way while you are doing just that.

(3)   Being Passionate Isn’t a Bad Thing

The closing question of the night was the closest thing to a curve ball and dealt with a very touchy area. The question was: “How do you suggest coming across confident without being perceived as a “Bitch” or overly aggressive?”  I’m sure that there are a number of good hints or suggestions in the literature on this subject, but I thought that the right approach wasn’t to try to outline rules of behavior or language suggestions which would have just amounted to piling on more of Matt’s “baggage” (see above). The truth is and the best answer (for me at least) is that you need to change the conversation and the lens that you’re looking through.

Aggression is so weighted and ugly a word that I can’t think of any context in which we would truly value it (except maybe in pro sports where we reward violent actions by morons already being driven mad by steroids) and so we need to put that particular word aside and have a smarter and more productive discussion. Talking about a fierce passion to succeed, on the other hand; or about an uncompromising commitment to a cause or a business; and/or discussing a “take no prisoners” attitude are all positions and postures that we heartily endorse and, in fact,  hope to emulate in our own behavior. Passion is just the flip (and far more attractive) side of aggression and that’s how we should answer the question. The ones who want it the most and care the most are the ones who make things happen.

Passion is what moves mountains and makes the world move forward. Passion and unflinching optimism are force multipliers. There’s never enough to go around because these qualities are always in short supply. So, the bottom line is self-evident.  It’s short-sighted and stupid to discourage anyone’s (males or females) energy and enthusiasm and it’s long past time that we got over the rhetoric and the pointless characterizations and started focusing our efforts and energies on who can best help us make a difference in the marketplace and create real results.  

PP:  “You Get What You Work for, Not What You Wish for”